My dear wife

To my dear wife During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which ia an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often. We will wake the children 17 times It's too late 15 times I'm too tired 5 times It's too early 52 times It's too hot 15 times Pretending to be asleep 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear 9 times Backache 2 times Headache 16 times Sunburnt 10 times Your mother will hear us 6 times Not in the mood 21 times Will wake the baby 17 times Watching the late TV show 7 times Too sore 9 times New hairdo 4 times Wrong time of the month 4 times You had to go to the toilet 9 times On the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you to tell you I had finished and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. Your loving husband.

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